It’s like our relationship with the Lord, when we first come to Him we’re pumped and energized, we want more and more of God and church and life seems to be going perfectly, but then the first struggle comes our way and we realize we still have to deal with life-past, present and future. Suddenly, the fire’s been blown out and we feel abandoned and confused-what happened to that spirit? But that’s just it! It’s not about an isolated or short lasting experience left aside waiting only to be scrapbooked into our memories, it’s about an everyday, every second love affair that transforms us and guides us. True conversion carries evidence; faith is happily married to deeds, and so it is the same with this summer exchange. Once again I come to understand that sowing obediently and running faithfully does not promise immediate gratification nor does it ensure “success”. I’ve chosen to submerge myself into a different life. I’m not in it for the final presentation when I get to show a slideshow of all the lives I’ve managed to change and the programs I’ve successfully run, at the end of the day, I am me, but Christ still reigns. I will do my best to love until it hurts, and when it does, I rest assured that my loving is not in vain, for Christ resurrected. I’m practicing resurrection. “Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see”.    

My relationships with my students and with the kids that hang out at my house DAILY have been slowly developing and I don’t even want to think about having to leave them behind. I just don’t want to leave feeling like I didn’t carry through with what God wanted to do through me. If every day I am not fully surrendered, then what’ the point? I’m not looking to bank on the fruit of my labor, but to KNOW that Christ is glorified and His Kingdom revealed. I’m working on being more intentional with my students and reaching out in more loving ways. I was reminded recently that I can’t forget the Gospel! If Christ is not the center of my relationships then things need to change. I’m confident that God is doing a wonderful work in each of them and every time I’m with them I cover them with prayer. 

One of the most special things for me this summer has been hearing people’s personal life stories and testimonies. I am humbled when I get to listen to how God has worked in people’s lives and to see how those stories fit into God’s Grand story. It’s amazing to see how intertwined we all are to each other, to find the connections, similarities and shared pathways, to see how the body is truly one body. Amazing to know that we all belong to the story of Redemption and will one day live in Shalom in constant adoration of our great King. I love feeling like I’m a small tiny little person in the scheme of it all and at the same time I’m a part of a great lineage of royalty. I think that’s what I like most about a Christian “order” such as InnerChange and Urban Resurrection. An order to me is like a mysterious, silent community of anti-heroes. We are missionaries without being “missionaries”. We serve the poor, but they too serve us. We live simply, humbly and sacrificially, sub-merged with the least of these, after God’s own heart. 

Last Friday we had BEATS (Bringing Eternal Arts to the Streets), which is an open mic event for the youth in our community, it happens the first Friday of every month, and it’s an opportunity not just to have fun with the arts in a safe environment, but also to spend more intentional time with our youth. Unfortunately it rained on us so we couldn’t set up outside (our usual), but we were able to set up indoors and still have a great time. We had a graffiti wall going on outside where Al and Antwuan assisted “Seed” (Gil), people hung out outside and then we had the whole show set up indoors with our very own DJ Brimstone and our hosts Laurie and Charity. We had a good turn out and the performances were great, but I thought we’d have more of the older youth present. I think once we find our own venue that we can use permanently then we’ll be able to really form it to fit the vision. Building relationships with the older youth seems to be one of the harder things to do, at least for me. It’s not as easy to find in them the glimmer of hope you find in younger kids and it’s a whole different psychological game with them. I admit I feel unequipped and unskilled for reaching out to the teens, but there is a way. I pray God brings into this ministry people with the heart and skills for at risk teens.

And that leads into one of my biggest struggles this summer, feeling unworthy and ill-equipped for what I say I do. I was listening to some people talking about ministry and I overheard someone say that for people who have not experienced the life and struggles that these people have experienced, we can only go so far with our ministry, only reach a certain degree of effectiveness within the community. This statement upset me a whole lot. So, just because I’m not a black, ex-drug dealer from the hood I can’t preach the good news to this community? Just because I don’t speak the same way or wear the same clothes or do (did) the same things, I can’t be an instrument of change within this context? Am I only fooling myself and everyone around me into thinking that I can be a part of this community? The answer is no. I believe that God can not only use those most likely to be used for specific works, but usually works that way! Ha-ha. It is my testimony that God has used me in my weakness to strengthen others, for it is when I am most removed that He is most present in my life. The bible is full of people chosen by God for great works they felt they could never tackle. But faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see! I follow in obedience when God calls me to the Grove, knowing it’s He that changes lives and restores communities. By all means, let the ex dealers join us, but let’s remember that He uses the weak to lead the strong and the foolish to shame the wise. Besides, the Gospel preached is the Gospel preached. Word? 

I am trying to make the most out of the time I’ve got left in the Grove and loving every second of it. God is good all the time, and all the time, God is good. 

Psalm 65: 5-8 
“You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas, who formed the mountains by your power, having armed yourself with strength, who stilled the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the turmoil of the nations. Those living far away fear your wonders; where morning dawns and evening fades you call forth songs of joy.”

Professor San Fran!